There are common behaviours in everyone that has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Knowing them before getting into a new relationship can save you a lot of heartache.

Lies, Lies and more lies .. test this out. Ask a harmless question that you know the answer to and that you think they may lie about, and watch their facial expression not change a bit as they lie.

Everything is a calculated manipulation to achieve their goal … no-one is safe and collateral damage is a given.

The only times they show empathy or compassion or want to help someone, you can be sure it is for personal gain or part of a bigger manipulation.

Flowers and gifts also form part of the above: Either they are covering for something they have done, or something is about to happen (give it a week after to see what the gift was really about)

Building “Teams” … It is all about the teams.  They have real or imagined teams that they will use against you for their arguments etc.  If you feel that someone has changed towards you without reason, consider this may be at play.

Creating the “debt bank” We use this term to explain why they do things for others. As before, they will give gifts, money, time and friendships for the sole purpose of building the debt bank and wanting to cash in on it later.  This is a huge one with the kids; the gifts can get out of control.

They are either late, a no-show or cranky if they are to attend something for your family or something that is not about them. This can even be their family event if they don’t see their value there.

They are always too busy to help with anything that is not for personal gain or part of building the team or the debt bank.

Usually have ways of “checking up on you” to ” catch you out”….remember, they always think that everyone is like them.

Question if you arrive home too early or too late (remember you are always up to something).

The calm before the storm

They have affairs either with money or people and are very self-righteous in that this is their right… since you “ ………whatever ….”.  Add here, don’t put out enough, are frigid, haven’t given them enough time, always spend too much, are only interested in their money… the list goes on.

Are jealous of any time you spend with others, including your kids.  In their words, you are choosing others over them.

They will always use a time when you are trapped, like in the car on the way somewhere, to make an accusation.

They will use every occasion, such as birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Christmas, and graduation, to reduce you to tears.  It is not an occasion unless they have reduced you to tears.

They will always leave you waiting for them.  This includes leaving you waiting in unsafe areas/for extended times with kids in places that are not kid-friendly

Everything is a “test”.

They will invite or not invite you to events based on their need: i.e. trophy wife, taxi home, who else is going and if their mistress is there etc.

They need to be “the hero” in any story or situation.

Will quite often be a “pillar of society”.  Include Judges, politicians, clergy, public committee members, board members etc.

If not the above, they will struggle to hold a job for any length of time, and it will always be someone else’ fault.

They will manipulate your ability to take up jobs/careers and activities based on it fitting in with them and their ability to control aspects of it.

Are condescending and patronizing and will look at you at times with complete disdain in their eyes.

Will lay down the judgement and punishment they deem fit for the crime they claim you did … this may be nothing or something created in their head.

Will use the silent treatment … this seems to be one of those crime and punishment things.

Throw tantrums when they don’t get their own way, even when they have not told you what they want (you are supposed just to know)

You are always expected to apologize and/or make amends for your alleged crimes or for making them behave badly.

Everything negative is allegedly always someone else’s fault

Anything positive is always allegedly a direct outcome of their magnificence.

Did I mention they are awesome and always the hero in the story unless, of course, they are the victim … there is no middle position for these guys.

If they find themselves in a difficult conversation when they know they are wrong, they will throw in random accusations to gain the upper hand while you try to determine what it has to do with the conversation.

Gaslighting … this is where they do things / hide things / create stories that cause you to start doubting yourself…. Check out the famous black-and-white movie about this.

Will latch on to fame in any form they think will serve them.  This includes talking you or the kids up to others while belittling them at home. They love to name-drop, but only until that person’s fame does not serve them anymore.